Fun With Carousing Mishaps

Over at Jeff's Game Blog, there is a table for Carousing Mishaps. Through the past S&W sessions, we've tried our hand at carousing a few times; Gloin has tried and failed twice and our resident Cleric, Old Man Halgron, succeeded twice and failed once. He was awesome enough to write up a little fiction to cover his loss. Enjoy!

Nawanog, local tavern cook and Halgron’s long-time friend, wrote:

So, Old Man Halgron rolled in one night, stumbling, piss drunk, armored and covered in gore. He was swinging that damned flail about with his spindly arms, scaring everyone half-way to hell and yelling, “So when I reached in that crack to get the diamonds, the demonic bugger crawled out on to me, drilling into my flesh and sucking out my blood! Cuthbert’s wrath took care of ‘em though! We popped his bloated tick ass – splattering the wall with my nearly divine blood, favorite of Cuthbert that I am! Haha!” He winked at me and began laughing uncontrollably - I could see ropes of saliva whipping through the air from the corner of his mouth as his head jerked this way and that. I took a step back.

“Wonderful, my good man, wonderful – have a seat and tell me more!” said I, praying the old fool would let go the flail.

“More ale, then! A round for all!!” he said, continuing, “So we slew the goblins, we slew them all – you shoulda seen me!” He motioned as if to strike, but I threw up both hands, terrified. He paused, eyeing me, or something behind me, carefully, “Amazing I was, Cuthbert’s brightest star, no doubt! Wait - where’s that fool singer you keep around here? He should hear this!!” He craned his neck, turning left. Now I could even see a piece of bone in his stringy white hair..goblinoid maybe? Or maybe it was a broken beak of some kind? Also, when did he get that silly Cuthbert eye patch and why was it on his forehead?

And that’s when the elven nobles entered, dressed in expensive furs and silks and escorted by a few city guards. One guard said, “All stand to recognize the noble lord – “

“Well, she’s beautiful – I love elven girls!” Halgron blurted, dropping his flail and darting toward the noble, sloshing ale all over. Quick old fart when he’s drunk! Before anyone could react, he’d swept up the elf in his bloody, dirty arms, and was smothering him with kisses. Horrified, the guards pried him off, restrained him and began apologizing to the lord.

One guard looked at Halgron, “You sir, have embarrassed us one too many times! Some time to sober up in jail will do you WELL!”

At that point, Halgron’s friend Galathos appeared, with a bag of gold extended. “Take this, friends, and be off. He’s drunk and means no harm, as any fool can see!”

So ended one of the Old Man’s less successful attempts at carousing.

Wealth wasted: 100 gold
Fine: 175 gold